Rambut Panjang Mayang Mengurai

Perihalnya begini.

Kalau I berambut panjang maksudnya I sedang berboyfriend at that particular time. Ini kerana I pun tak tahu mengapa nasib I mendapat boyfriend yang suka gadis mereka berambut panjang. Barangkali rambut hitam dan ikal yang beralun I yang cantik ini menjadi faktor utama mereka menyuruh I menyimpan rambut.

Tidak. I bukan tunduk pada telunjuk boyfriend, bahkan, dalam sesuatu hubungan, I akan menjadi lebih controlling dalam segenap sudut. Tapi at times kita kena compromise, mencantikkan diri kepada bakal suami (insya Allah) supaya mereka tak cari lain.

Hakikatnya I lebih gemar berambut pendek. Senang dijaga. Tak perlu fikir nak beli pengikat rambut ataupun sepit rambut. Kalau travel pula tak perlu risau rambut basah dan masam dan sebagainya.

Tapi, ada twistnya di sini. Sekiranya I dilihat berambut pendek dalam masa terdekat ini, maksudnya ada seorang gadis cantik sedang bergaduh besar dan memberontak dengan boyfriendnya.

Sekian, harap maklum.

Girlfriend Yang Pembersih

I seorang manusia yang agak hygiene-conscious. Atau dalam istilah lain, hygienic (Kenapa blogger gariskan perkataan itu? Adakah kerana ia tidak wujud? Adakah kerana I salah eja?)

I mesti memberus gigi, mencuci muka dan membawa hand sanitizer (perkataan ini pun digariskan) ke mana-mana.

Tapi malam tadi I terlalu letih dan tertidur awal. Jadi I terlupa gosok gigi dan cuci muka.

Pagi-pagi tadi I bangun tidur menangis kerana mimpi gigi I semua dah rongak.

:'(

Skema Turutan Kasih Sayang

Kadang-kadang, kita semacam terikat dengan satu jawapan tradisi, yang mana kiranya kita tidak menjawab mengikut skema, kita dianggap tidak mengenang budi dan segala tohmahan akan diperdendang di telinga sendiri.

I was talking about the sequence of the persons you love most in life. Jawapan paling common sekali yang memberi satu guarantee you tak akan jadi outcast ialah:

1) Parents
2) Keluarga
3) Kekasih

Kalau you tak ikut skema jawapan, you anak derhaka, you buta dek cinta dan sebagainya.

Walhal hari-hari update status pasal rindukan *boyfriend/girlfriend. Sikit-sikit *boyfriend/girlfriend, sikit-sikit *boyfriend/girlfriend.

Lepas tu, kalau parents marah sebab asyik gayut sampai bil melambung, you merajuk, hempas pintu.

Kalau parents suruh putuskan hubungan sebab tak berkenan, lari dari rumah pergi kahwin di Siam.

Now you tell me, who's your number one really?


*potong yang tidak berkenaan

My Mum Is An Annoying Customer

And thank god I don't have any business deal with her.

Kaya Itu Berdosa, Miskin Itu Bersyukur

I don't know what has gotten into some people. They made striving to attain success in life (or directly speaking; berusaha untuk mengumpul kekayaan) sounds like a big sin.

You don't have to tell me about syukur. I am content with what I am having at present. But why is it so wrong if I say my dreams are to drive my own Jaguar S-type and Audi Q5, to own a mansion in Mont Kiara, to travel around the world with future hubby and to own a foundation for those having kidney complications?


They made it sound so wrong for having such desires, and the steps taken to fulfill them. 


You see, different people aim different things in life. Those things pre-exist in different fields. Some people wish to succeed politically, to be the next Prime Minister of Malaysia, and by whatever means, whether they'd have to play dirty or not.


To some, success means becoming a Doctor of Philosophy. Academic success is their objective of life.


But to me, success means being wealthy. Doesn't mean the other aspects of life including the here-after are left behind. They work in parallel. If you don't get His barakah, how on earth are you going to achieve your goal?

People are skeptical about being rich. To them rich people are bad, they aren't religious, they drink, they party and whatnot. To them poor people are pious, they perform solah all the times, the wajib and the sunnah, they're classified as "golongan yang bersyukur dengan nikmat Allah."

Those who perceive that way are those who haven't had the taste of wealth. Tahu ke mereka dengan kekayaan yang ada pahala kau akan lagi banyak? You can sedekah more, you can perform umrah annually, you can exercise all the good deeds without having to worry of other things like not enough food to feed your family.

I am disgusted with this kind of mentality. Sebab mindset yang kebanyakan orang Melayu, Islam ni peganglah, ramai budak-budak kecil yang berdiri tepi bank sana-sini minta derma kebajikan untuk masjidlah, sekolahlah dan sebagainya. Why don't I see beggars (oh, or what they term as "donation collector") asking money to build church, temples or a convent school?

Sebab tulah most of the times the non-Muslims perceive Muslims as being extremists but poor.

I'm not letting that kind of mentality spread in the community anymore. And for that matter, I am going to start with a change.

Pingat Emas Untuk Anda

Dengan sesetengah orang ni, buang masa saja you ajak berdebat. Sebab in the end, semua orang tahu dia masih ingin menang.

So what you do is you bagi what they want; the winning trophy.

I ni baran, dan in certain instances, I tergolong juga dalam kategori di atas.

Tapi lately I telah belajar something yang diperturunkan secara indirect oleh Superman; yakni "Ego malas nak layan". So kalau I dispute dengan seseorang tentang sesuatu, I akan diam dan biarkan dia rasa dia menang dengan hujahnya. Or I akan buat jenaka intelek I untuk meredakan keadaan.

Rupanya jadi malas nak layan is way more fun than throwing tantrum.

Lagipun, siapa dia untuk I provekan point I pun? Lebih baik I reserve energy and my time for a good cause.

Some People Term Is As "Harsh", I Call It "Honest"

I think I'm getting the old spirit back. The old me who was so loud and cynical, who doesn't give a shit of what people think of her.

*

Yesterday I bombarded a friend who wrote a hopelessly romantic status on Facebook. It was a sight pollution that might jeopardize the eyes and the mind. She is in a habit to write stuffs about her love and her unknown boyfriend and melodramatic lyrics and all those corny stuffs.

And I nonchalantly wrote;

"Why do you keep writing such a cheesy stuff like this? Why not write one productive sentence?"

But I ended my "harsh" comment with this: ":P" - so that it would neutralize the mood all together.

She took no offense I could tell, from the joyous reply I received.

Just now, I commented on a status that more or less reads as follows;

"_______ (fill in the blanks with your favourite name), when are we suppose to surrender our assignment?"

And I said;

"Why not ask her at her own wall instead of writing it on your status? Unless if you want others to answer as well."

Make use of the Status column wisely. Remember, Facebook is a social networking website. Others may get the access to your privacy very easily if you're not careful enough. If you have a personal inquiry, utilize the private message. It's equally handy though!

*

But trust me, this won't last long. Wait until the next personal attack, I'd return to being passive and reserved.

If You Love Someone, Let Him Free

Now I know why we aren't compatible as a couple.

Simple. I can't fit into his surroundings, and he seems hesitant to fit in with mine.

His friends and family dislike me, and vice versa.

It feels awkward being with him. It's like transforming into another individual.

It's hard to deny there's still love, nonetheless. Perhaps the memories that bond us together. Perhaps the so-called love itself. We were isolated in our very own world when being together. That is almost similar to declining the existence of the universe. That, rationally, isn't good for our long term undertakings.

Now I think I understand why people keep saying "if you love someone, let him free." I really do. So long he attains the happiness he seeks in life, I'd be more than pleased for him.

Don't Curse, You Damn It!

I'm presently teaching and encouraging my 7-year-old nephew who doesn't speak Malay not to curse.

Don't correct your eyes. I wrote everything correctly.

I told him, it's not nice to say "What the hell."

And instead of saying "Oh, shit!", why not say "Oh, God!"

Tell you what, my technique all works!

One day I took him to the nearest KFC, and on our way there was a stupid car doing something idiotic I couldn't recall on road. So I get pissed and said;

"Fuck! Bodoh!"

"What did you say, Auntie?"

"Oh, I said, er, duck hodoh."

"What's hodoh?"

"Hodoh means ugly. So I was saying that duck was ugly."

"But I didn't see any duck just now?"

Great. Now I am being an angelic aunt and a big fat liar at the same time. How bad can that be?

I Wanna Go Down Under

...And by whatever means I shall materialize my desire.

Exercise Freak

Superman has started with a new routine. He is now a regular gym customer in his hometown. This began a couple of weeks ago.

I know he has been a health freak. Eh, no no no. He's been obsessed about having a nice body. Each morning he'd be doing push-ups and sit-ups. Dari seorang cicak kobeng he is now a very, well, quite fit guy.

His new routine kinda worry me a bit. You know people say when you stop working out your body will be flabby and whatnot. And I don't really go with the idea of having a perfect body shape.

So yes, I don't work out. But I do care about body shapes. Jaga pemakanan, waktu makan and ample execises sudah lah. Tak perlu sampai ke gym. Nanti I akan rasa intimidated gila dengan badannya.

Haish. But who am I to stop his passion?

Couple Tee

Little bro: Belilah couple Tee tu.

Moi: Means kena beli sepasang?

Little bro: Yup. Murah je.

Moi: Kalau macam tu, lagi sehelai nak bagi siapa.

Little bro: Superman.

Moi: Wow, kenapa dia?

Little bro: Sebab korang kapel.

Moi: Oh!

Youth

Young girls are exasperating.

The younger ones are more annoying.

Satu Hati Dua Lelaki

You want me to be frank? Let me frank with you now, baby.

Love? I ain't sure.

Necessity is more like it.

I have no doubt I'm in need of you both badly, spiritually, in life. You light my life and give me new dimensions of it. When one of you makes me somber, I'd turn to the other.

Back up? No, I'm pretty sure.

Complimentary is more like it.

Each of you possesses the qualities I had always wanted in a guy. One has the feature the other does not. Like I've said, it's complimentary.

Both are entirely different entities, but never fail to please me at the most crucial times.

You ever thought of hurting me? Hurting my feeling?

Go ahead and screw me.

'Cause why? 'Cause I have another one.

Again, it's not a back up plan. You guys compliment one another, in the most complicated way anyone could ever imagine!

No no no. Don't call me bit*ch.

Falling for two different men at the same time ain't bit*ch.

Afterall love is this complicated. *sigh*

Test Market

I bukan jenis perempuan yang suka test market.

Test market; if you understand what I meant.

Dalam erti kata lain, test market sendiri merupakan cara paling vain untuk mengetahui bahawa kita masih hot atau disukai ramai.

Lelaki mesej nak berkenalan? Layan~

Letak gambar comel-comel di Facebook dan mengharapkan komen yang berbunyi "Cantiklah awak ni" atau "Comelnya dia!"?

Gemar dengan mesej yang berbunyi "Tak ada sesiapa ke marah I mesej dengan you ni?", dan bila dibalas "Tiada", mengharapkan respond seperti "Takkanlah orang cantik macam you ni tak berpunya lagi kot."?

Suka di-flirt ketika berjalan di KLCC?

If any of the above instances fits you, then you indeed suka test market diri sendiri.

How do I know? Sebab I pun pernah suka juga benda-benda macam ni. But that was long ago. Zaman belum jumpa boyfriend nombor 7. Zaman gemuk gedempol dulu.

Now I realised that there are many other important things in life we need to be worry about other than how hot we still are.

Sebab tu lelaki selalu kata I garang dan semakin tak ramai yang berani bagi pick up line pada I.

I know I'm still hot regardless. It's too obvious.

My Boring Boyfriend

Superman is a real boring boyfriend. He is very serious and most of the times would act like a strict brother to me. He would decline to every invitation I made to do anything insane. And each time he'd be getting a straightforward remarks from me;

"Awak ni tak fun lah!"

He would laugh over mundane and repeated jokes like Mr. Bean's. Whenever he thinks something is funny, he would share the same, old, boring antic over and over again.

I, on the other hand am very humourous. Well, I think so. I consider my jokes are all intellectually acceptable (haha!). I'd roll my eyes upon coming across lame attempt on being funny. I hardly laugh whenever I think something isn't funny enough or isn't up to my standard. I'd smirk instead. That's mostly because I don't fake expressions, remember?

I still love my boring and serious boyfriend, nonetheless. Now I do believe that opposite attracts.

Kaum Hawa Sememangnya Mempunyai Eksesif Estrogen

Terdapat banyak kes penggunaan gambar dan profil individu lain di Facebook yang melibatkan pencurian gambar manusia-manusia dalam friends list saya. Walaupun masih boleh dibilang menggunakan jari, pada hemat saya, kes-kes sebigini sudah dikategorikan kritikal juga.

Apakah tujuan sebenar mencuri identiti orang lain dengan tujuan membukan akaun Facebook ataupun Myspace sendiri? Mungkinkan mereka merupakan ajen CIA?

Apa yang saya ingin cungkil di sini bukanlah kajian terhadap those freaks yang mempunyai tahap self-esteem yang rendah ini, namun, reaksi yang diperoleh daripada mangsa-mangsa kecurian identiti berkenaan. Ia boleh dilihat secara terus melalui status mereka.

Anak Gadis Ruslan

"Tak guna punya setan! Apesal kau curi gambar-gambar aku hah dan letakkan di akaun Myspace engkau! Kau dah cukup lama ke hidup kat dunia ni hah?!"


Anak Gadis Ahmad

"Eee I bencilah bi*tch mana yang mencuri gambar I dan membuka akaun Facebook sendiri itu! Kepada rakan-rakan I semua, tolong jangan add bi*tch berkenaan ya!"


Anak Teruna (kot?) Jaafar

"Siapa pula mamat Putra Kayangan ni? Kenapa nak ambil gambar aku jadi profile photo? Handsome sangatkah aku? Tiba-tiba pula rasa macam artis. Kahkahkah."



Konklusi: Perempuan memang sangat emo, kan?

Buy Only What You Need

As compared to many other women out there, I am actually quite thrifty when it comes to shopping.

I don't see the reason to be so overwhelmed with lusts and desire to purchase stuffs you don't need. You have 8237 pairs of shoes at home, why need more? Because the piece you're looking at now is cute? But is it worth it? When are you going to put on all 8237 (or now 8238) pairs in life?

So ladies, when shopping, be rational and practical, ask yourself do you really need the purse you're holding? Or the summer dress and legging? Don't be fooled by the discounts here and there, should in the end you would sit alone, feeling regret.

Buy only what you need.

Rock A Bye Baby On The Tree Top

I'm not fond of babies. Nor a toddler. And so as small kids.

I bukan macam sesetengah gadis yang excited melihat bayi kecil lantas bermain-main dengan mereka. I akan bermuka garang dan buat tak endah sahaja.

Bukanlah. I bukan tak suka mereka. Please re-read my statements. I'm just not so fond of them.

I know they're cute little creatures, tapi tak ada pula nafsu untuk bermain dengan mereka.

Dan ramai yang maklum bahawa I tak reti fake my expressions. Kalau tak suka tu, memang obvious tak boleh blah muka I. Kalau sangat thrilled, akan terpancar di wajah rahsia hati ini.

Tapi di suatu petang Jumaat di rumah bakal mentua, I dihadapkan dengan anak saudara Superman.

"Ololo Mya sayang! Comelnya olololo."

Fake can be faked.

Status Update

Anak Encik Othman 

today..no time for fb...got something urgent to settle...^_^

Comments:

Moi

wow!

Anak Encik Othman

apa yang wow nya kak?

<manusia-manusia lain juga berbalas comment dengan Anak Encik Othman>

Moi

Eh? Tadi kata no time for FB?

Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover

I am prejudice. I am somehow skeptical towards certain class of people who seem smart from the outside, but nothing in the inside.

I am prejudice. I judge people based on the way the talk or communicate. The language used, as well as their content point. This determines their IQ level as per my standard.

Jadi sekarang, I tak peduli sama ada you merupakan seorang Doktor Falsafah mahupun tidak, sekiranya cara komunikasi you tidak mencapai tahap piawaian I, you're still zero in my eyes.

Ada ke patut I dapat mesej sebegini:

"T sy msg n awk lik ye."

Translated as (I suppose): Nanti saya mesejkan awak balik ye.

Haish.

A Not So Great Welcoming Entry, Huh?

Ironically speaking, I am suddenly thinking of Batman, my ex-boyfriend who is currently somewhere abroad. Hurm! No wonder he called yesterday evening. I've totally forgotten he'd be away today.