1 Year 7 Months

Apparently it hasn't be resolved as yet. At once I thought it has, until that phone call I refused to answer a month ago.

And the feelings sparked, complications went on.

*

I noticed that I recently couldn't tolerate with certain, oh, or particularly this one behaviour that I learned to be disgustingly wasteful, selfish and not under control.

The flower has lost its scent. The spark has now gone.

Blessings

I've learnt long ago not to regret anything done. By long ago I meant really really long ago. Probably more than a decade ago.

I have always believed that there's a blessing in a disguise, and everything happens for a reason.

Thus I think I seldom (just to be on the safe side) feel sorry for anything. I'll try to be redha and find the blessings. Even it's really hard.

Satisfaction

I have come to realize that sex and chocolate are not the only means to satisfy oneself.

Hardwork that bears the fruit of success guarantees equal satisfaction.

Anak

Sejak akhir-akhir ini keinginan untuk mempunyai anak selepas berumah tangga nanti kian pudar. Ini berlaku setelah melihat realiti kepayahan membesarkan anak ditambah lagi dengan rintihan kenalan yang menjadi ibu bapa.

Kepudaran ini ditambah dengan perasaan anxiety yang tinggi dan self-esteem yang rendah. Tidak yakin dengan skill keibubapaan yang ada dalam diri. Can I even be a good mother to my future kids? If I were a mother what kind of mom would I be? Yang garang atau yang penyayang?

Takut. Serius takut. Dahlah I dah buat perjanjian dengan Superman yang semua najis-najis akan I yang cuci. Tak guna betul Superman. Awal-awal lagi dah pandai cari jalan keluar. Cis!

I takut membesarkan anak-anak dengan cara yang salah and in the end, the society will point its finger to me. All blames are put on my shoulder.

Na'uzubillah!

Superman kata jangan fikir banyak sangat. Anak itu anugerah Allah dan insya Allah akan murahkan rezeki kita. Well, itu boleh mengurangkan kerisauan sedikit.

Hmm, so can anyone convince me the blessing of having one's one child or share a joyous story of having one? Instead of bercerita tentang kepayahan membesarkan anak?

Hujan Emas Di Negara Orang

Since I was much younger, I had always wanted to study abroad. Especially in the West. Or Europe. Or negara mat saleh lah orang kita kata.

Mostly it was because I don't wanna work there, and building my life there. Thus, having a few years experience in overseas should suffice.

But that didn't happen as I ended up graduating from a local university, one of the best in Malaysia. Until then, I still have the urge to study elsewhere, anywhere but Malaysia, as for the postgraduate program.

Many things had occurred lately to the effect that my dreams and perception have changed. I don't think I would wanna leave my family and loved ones behind for years. Hence what I have in mind is to make a lot of money so that I'm able to travel anywhere I want with my earnings. The best part is I can tag them along.

Imagine going abroad without any worries. Imagine having a thick pocket while travelling. Imagine doing the things you want with your loved ones.

And I'm ensuring you that day will come. Because do I wanna be a gorgeous, hot looking billionaire some day. It's not either or, cause I am proving all.

Fira Satorini, Greece, I shall come and conquer you one day!